Men are hard wired to protect and provide, especially when comes to women and children. No women’s lib or feminist initiative can extract that embedded male trait from a true honest to goodness man. This does not diminish the strength and independence of women in anyway so women don’t go “wait a minute, hold up, I would have gotten that tire changed myself, or I could’ve weeded my own garden”. We know you could have done it; we just wanted to do it for you.
Having gotten the disclaimers out there let me move on to something that most men can’t resist, at least not this one,a Damsel in Distress, i.e. a woman that needs his assistance. Ladies, save your money, you can even get let off the hook from being pressured to “give up some cookies” with this one.
A man will help a lady out. It’s an awesome ego and morale booster and everybody benefits. Take for instance this afternoon, I found myself in that position, albeit it almost turned out with me shooting the Damsel.
I was sitting at my dining room table writing checks, and I hear someone taking the screen out of my dining room window. My dog is going berserk, and I’m like what the hell? By now the window is sliding open. I can’t see because the blinds are closed.
I run to the closet and lock and load and run back to the window, snatch the blinds back and yell “What the f***k are you doing? At the same time I saw the perpetrator was this really pretty lady in a mini skirt with her leg jacked up ready to stick through my window. I’m thinking, I know folks like my blog and radio show, but had no idea I’d reached this level of star status where they’re trying to break into my house. I scared the hell out of this lady. She started repeating over and over, “sorry, wrong window, sorry wrong window”.
I said “Just what the hell are you planning to do when you get the right window?” She explained in a heavy Hispanic accent she was my neighbor and had locked herself out and had gotten the wrong window trying to get back in. That’s a likely story, but there are only two windows side by side, with different blinds and she doesn’t know which one is hers? By the way, she’s wearing the heck out of this mini skirt with no shoes, she didn’t appear drunk or high and she’s drop dead gorgeous., She’s much too pretty, to, well shoot, or call the cops on.
Rhyme and reason started taking a back seat to Damsel in mini skirt in distress. A well documented and never debated male weakness. I said “stay right where you are, I’m coming out”
A few seconds later when I come out she has put the screen back in the window and is apologizing profusely. I point to the window beside mine, “so this is your window?” .She says yes as she is now removing the screen from that window. She opened the window, still apologizing to me, and hiked the mini skirt up higher and raised a leg. Good God! .I’m thinking to myself, God really likes me for some reason or, I’m about to witness a felony in progress here. I could be the lustful dog some ladies charge men with,and watch this sexy breaking and entering or whatever it was,or I could be the gentlemen I am 99% of the time and offer assistance. The Damsel in Distress magnetism won out.
“Would you like me to go through the window and open your patio door for you?” She put her leg down, skirt still hiked up over her thighs. “Would you?” “No problem lady, I got this. We can’t have you locked out”
I went through the tiny window like a career cat burglar praying that this woman wasn’t up to something illegal, because I have no interest in spending any time in the local state hostel. I opened the patio door and she apologized some more, asked me what was my name, told me hers and said “I owe you a big favor for helping”. “Yeah come visit me in jail” I thought, because if your fine ass doesn’t belong in that house, that’s probably where I’m going.
She went in and that was that. I noticed though she hasn’t put her screen back in her window yet. Hmm, Damsel in Distress? Maybe needs help securing the screen? I’ll see.