I for one can’t recall how real straight uncut from Mom to the bottle breast milk tastes. I guess I could find out easily enough by running up on a stroller strapped new arrival and bottle jacking the baby. But that would get me a cooling off in the big house, and when it got out I jacked a baby, well you all know who’s going to be wearing the apron and ironing Big Bubba’s drawers.
I could seek out and date an abandoned pregnant female and work my little taste testing project into foreplay I suppose. Naw, that wouldn’t be right would it?
Or now I could politely roll up on the random lactating female and simply asks “Miss can I suck your left tittie?” Ten minutes later me to paramedics “I asked her if I could suck her left tittie, and everything is a blank after that until I woke up on the sidewalk. Are those my teeth in your hand?”
Or I could go and cop some Breast Milk flavored lollipops. Yes breast milk flavored lollipops!
A company in Texas has released a product with all the breast milk taste but without the breast milk. Just how do you make breast milk lollipops without squeezing a single, well, you know, breast? Read on.
“Can you imagine armies of pumping mothers?” Lollyphile founder Jason Darling explains to the L.A. Times about his company’s decision to make these particular lollipops out of mostly sugar and not from the milk of lactating women. “Managing that would be a logistical nightmare.” I submit managing that would be a hell of a lot of fun, however using real breast milk would probably you in hot water and red tape with the local health department. A London ice cream shop found out the breast milk sweets didn’t fly high or long in the unfriendly skies of health regulators when it began selling actual breast milk ice cream in 2011, only to have it all confiscated by authorities.
The company claims that these vegan treats are selling like hot cakes since they were introduced at a starting price of four lollipops for $10.
The big question. So what do the lollipops taste like? According to the Lollyphile website, they are “quite possibly the most inherently satisfying flavor of all time.” Darling also noted on his website that, “These lollipops won’t bring back childhood memory; they’ll bring up animal instinct.” Animal instinct, now that’s kind of scary or freaky depending upon the who and their reason for sucking…on a lollipop.