I’m not a huge fan of reality shows because I’m skeptical about just how much of the “reality” is realized for TV. Skepticism of content aside, some of these shows do highlight some issues some of us experience in our own lives. Some reality shows even go so far as to attempt to deliver solutions via of their scripts for some of the same problems they unearth.
Real Housewives of Atlanta Star Kandi Burruss’, Kandi’s Wedding explores the realities of two upper-class individuals that have decided to tie the knot. Kandi’s Wedding reveals the excitement, frustrations, triumphs, and issues of planning a big wedding by chronicling the real day-to-day relationship of Kandi Burruss and her fiancé Todd Tucker.
There is the Mother -in-Law drama, dress fitting anxieties, eccentric girlfriends, bachelor and bachelorette parties, and the prenuptial agreement. The show encompasses all the elements we’ve heard or have come to expect from planning a wedding. The prenuptial agreement excepted, the other elements on Kandi and Todd’s pre wedding checklist are the norm for most couples that plan weddings. The prenuptial agreement as it is depicted in Kandi’s Wedding, can become the make or break cataylist standing between some couples and marriage.
Kandi’s insistence on, and Todd’s resistance against the existence of a binding pre nuptial Agreement being a part of their marriage brings to light the question of trust, accusations of insensitivity and possible veiled agendas, that some couples grapple with. It sparks the debate around one’s right to protect personal wealth and assets that traditional marriage ethics and guidelines suggest should be part of the shared union at the utterance of “I Do”.
Couples that trust their lives and hearts with one another are rudely reminded that trust only runs so far. Feelings are often hurt and doubts about one another’s commitment and honest intentions surface; screaming the message “I don’t trust you around my money”. Moreover, make no mistake about it, when you take the shine off the building and boil down all the political correct bullshit that is what a pre nuptial agreement says.
Tina Turner’s mega hit from the 80’s “What’s Love Got to Do With it?” is ripe for a sequel.
“What’s Money Got To do With it?”
It turns out; money has a whole lot to do with it.
“You don’t get to see it a lot… where a woman is in financially better off than the husband” – Kandi Burruss
Initially acclaimed as a legal safe of sorts to keep the assets of wealthy men out of the hands of money hunting, unscrupulous women, prenups are encouraged by the attorneys of athletes, CEO’s,celebrities, wealthy women, and lottery winning types that feel they may be financial targets in the event of a breakup or divorce.
Over the past decade, there has been an increase in women earning six figures and amassing fortunes and assets. These women are often times in another financial sphere from their potential mates or husbands. Therefore, the pre nup has become a tool they have embraced to protect assets, investments, and earnings they obtained before marriage.
Such is the situation with Kandi Burruss and I suspect a few other well-heeled women throughout the world.
Has money become so powerful that it triumphs over love and unbridled commitment? Alternatively, should the question be has society in general reached a threshold on trust when it comes to society as a whole and that threshold is the almighty dollar.
“Y’all know how divorce happens out of the blue to people that we thought we couldn’t believe they got divorced. So you have to be ready for a mad day. People can work things out and talk about how we wanted things to be when we’re on the same page, but when we get mad people want to hurt each other. How they want to hurt you? In your pocket. You not gonna be goin for mine.” – Kandi Burruss
Kandi hit the nail squarely on the head in her explanation as to why she wants a pre nuptial agreement existing between her and Todd. Ill feelings and vengeance both too often fuel the heighten emotions of a breakup or divorce. We suppress the thoughts that the potential for spiteful retribution through financial ruin doesn’t lurk deep within the ones we want to trust, but in reality, we affirm our concerns of such by insistence upon legal protection against what possibly could be.
“If you don’t have a pre-nup and leave it to the courts, they’re going to give most of your money away. You’re going to be living across the street from your former spouse in a box, catching the bus to the soup kitchen while they’re going to have someone else living in your house, driving your car while you’re paying for it.” – S2N Media
Prenups gnaw at the very fabric of marriages and relationships. The fabric of love that is supposed to be free from scrutiny, debate, and speculation. Love is sewn into relationships with the threads of trust, commitment, and honesty. It’s hard to argue against the notion that one or more of the three is deficient when we feel we need to invoke formal financial stipulations in our unions.
This observation isn’t a crusade for or against prenups. We know and feel the individuals we commit to better than anyone else. What this observation and testimonials such as Kandi’s suggest is if we are feeling a vengeance vibe emanating from the love of our life maybe we shouldn’t proceed at all instead of proceeding with the caution of a document that calls into question the integrity and potential intentions of a potential mate.
“I’m not paying spousal support, oh no,” she says. “I’m seeing too much going on right now. Halle Berry’s paying $20,000 a month in child support, and then poor Sherri [Shepherd], she had a pre-nup and now [her husband, John Sally] is coming after her [for spousal support]. They’ve only been married a few years. Are you kidding me?” – Kandi Burruss
Unfortunately love and attraction doesn’t have a “financially equally yoked” requisite coded into their respective human algorithms. Love and happiness is the polish that shines the emotional bliss for most couples, at least at the outset of the relationship, with money taking a distant second. However, in a society with ever eroding morals and values, wholesale sex, and desperate desires to be materialistically wealthy as quick as possible, that distant second position money holds at the last turn before the finish line of a done marriage can gain first place prominence when that friend, lover, and spouse becomes the foe. Whether we want to swallow it or not, a foe that will lie, or cheat, is surely capable of stealing.