Spending time with someone whose company, conversation, appearance, and intellect you enjoy should not be a pressurized affair. One should not feel they are standing in judgment and being appraised through a dinner, dance or otherwise get together. Judging from what I continue to see, hear, and read, that is not the case
Dating is so over analyzed that it is more strenuous these days than waiting for the decision on a house loan application. Where shall I take her? Is he going to pay the tab? What shall I wear? Is he or she expecting sex? Will she give up some sex? Is she paying part of the tab? Will she like my car? Is my butt too big? I can answer that last one. No!
I am no relationship expert, however I do know if you are wrangling with any of the above questions or similar ones, then you probably have no business going out with that person in the first place because you do not know them well enough.
Maybe you have not opened up honestly to them about yourself and intentions if you don’t know whether the date is going to conclude in intimacy or not.
Who is going to pay? This one gets me more charged up than an iPhone that has been plugged up for twenty-four hours.
I still see and read about men that invite a woman out, and then sheepishly finagle her into splitting the tab and attempt to solicit a pass for this blunt absence of etiquette under the guise of not wanting to challenge her independence. I tag this one bullshit.
These are the same dudes that go around reciting the moniker “I’m a grown ass man”.
Grown ass men attempting to extort sometimes as low as ten bucks out of an unsuspecting woman is shameful.
Maybe if the date did end with intimacy, she should give him half the coochie, because certainly he is not man enough for the whole thing. He gets half way to it, she shuts up shop, and says, “Let’s go Dutch, I given my half”.
Ladies, the same goes for you when inviting a guy out on a date.
If you invite him out; you should be prepared to foot the costs. You are a grown ass independent woman aren’t you?
Now most guys will probably step up and take care of it, and that’s cool. That’s part of a guy’s hardwired “let me take care of things” mentality. Guys once you start a certain pattern expect to keep it up, if not have a talk beforehand so there are no surprises.
Chivalry, aside, it’s common etiquette when inviting someone out, you finance the outing. You don’t invite someone into your home for dinner, and itemize the cost of the groceries used in the meal and then ask them to pony up half the cost do you? Then again, I wouldn’t be too surprised if a few folks did.
There are exceptions to every rule, and in these tight times the money may be funny between you two and the credit might not get it and the cost falls to whoever can pay. That’s cool, but if you know the person as well as you should then you both already know this, so there should not be any haggling over whose paying.
Here is what I propose.
On your next new date, do not use the word “Date.” The word “Date” pressurizes things.
Do this. Approach going out as a get together for two.
Decide where you’re going and what you’re going to do. Unless it’s some “Black Tie” affair don’t worry about what to wear. Just bring yourself; it’s you they are going out with not your clothes. I would offer one piece of advice the character Fred Sanford from the old TV show Sanford and Son offered his decrepit pool hall buddies when they were headed somewhere special.
“Uh you might want to change your drawers”
The point I want to make is you should just do the damn thing.
Go out to eat, see a movie, take a walk through the park, eat at food truck, have a picnic.
Stand on the corner and smoke weed and drink out of a brown paper bag if that floats your boat. Go paddleboat riding.
Do whatever it is that that will allow you to enjoy each other’s company, appearance, and conversation. Do it without the unnecessary residual bullshit. Let the get-together navigate to its own destination without throwing monkey wrenches in the gears gumming up the works.
One of the most relaxing outings I have had over the years has been those with my ex-wife and I will bet she will say the same.
There is no pressure.
We know each other like a book, and honestly, there is nothing to screw up. We already did that years ago, that is how we got to be ex’s.
We know the content of the conversation is going to be about our daughter, families, stuff we did to each other that is now damn funny, and whatever else we’ve managed to experience on the unusual level.
We wear whatever the hell we want, and go where ever. There is no expectation of sex because we don’t wear that kind of hat these days. When our get together concludes, we will have enjoyed each other and go our separate ways.
So grown ass men and women, I suggest you simplify getting together with someone you enjoy. When the outing concludes, I can guarantee you will have had an awesome time. Signed, Sealed, and Delivered by the both of you.