One of the main reasons people cheat or seek solitude with another person other than the one they are committed to is because of the need to feel wanted and valuable. Survey a group of men and women and see what you come back with. The irony is these reasons submitted for infidelity were largely by men; let’s look closer as to why. Moreover, although this is written from the mind of yours truly, it can very well be applicable to a disenchanted woman in a marriage or relationship as well.
Primarily, men are attracted to those that make them feel valuable and needed. A natural personality trait to provide is hard wired in men.
The sentiment of being underappreciated is the universal emotional factor among cheating men. No, it is not bad sex at home, kids, overworking, or hair rollers in the bed.
Somewhere in the jangled midst of painting fences, assembling beds, cleaning out garages, cutting the grass and working a full-time job, life’s requisites can suck the air out of the blissful cloud of the marriage or the relationship.
From the mundane to the majestic, even the things you excel at are suddenly treated as an involuntary standard staple of everyday survival.
She gets caught up with the demands of the marriage or relationship that requires her attention and the focus on some of the things that used to catch her eye is disregarded.
The focus continues to diminish and he begins to feel even his most mundane sacrifices are unappreciated. He’s not fallen out of love yet, but his demeanor becomes that of a shunned puppy that’s shoved aside because no wants to play with him. A puppy at that state is a sucker for attention in the waiting.
“If you don’t feed your dog, it will eat in somebody else’s yard.”
There is always somebody on the prowl for a stray dog.
Men are strong, powerful and capable beings. Power, force, and capability require fuel, emotional fuel, endowed by feminine ego stroking and appreciation.
This would suggest that the lady has a great stake in the retention of an honest relationship, and the suggestion is an honest one to a point. This is not to postulate that a twist toward infidelity on his part demands her innocent neglect be prescribed as a crutch or reason for any indiscriminate behavior on his behalf. It does return as fact, if he was being fed correctly at home, he wouldn’t have the appetite for even a snack when he’s away from home.
No matter how one cares to paint the portrait of the cheater, the man ultimately bears the responsibility of the initial breaching of silence and communicating to his partner his feelings of being unacknowledged. At this point by not sharing with the wife or the girlfriend his honest feelings, he’s irresponsibly laying the groundwork and opening the door for infidelity to begin its caustic entrance. Communication is often times all that is needed to deter one from the wretched claws of infidelity.
Meanwhile outside the home there is an unpremeditated bond growing between that secretary, female coworker, customer, or lady he met by chance. Said woman always seems to have the bandage for that hurting ego.
It can be that fresh pot or cup of coffee waiting with that newspaper waiting, or that compliment about his work ethic, or the girl Friday that always volunteers to pick up lunch or drop off his dry cleaning when she goes out.
In their infancy, these gestures and compliments are honest endeavors to keep the boss happy, or to ingenuously acclaim a coworker’s efforts, or just a woman being cordially nice to a man she “likes”.
Women by nature are nurturing, men by nature require nurturing. Nurturing evolves from caring. Why does a woman care? Somewhere in every answer to that question you will always find two keys present. They are need and desire.
With need and desire on his home front appearing to be faint flicker of the past, the man finds the attention he’s receiving from the caring female outside of the home addictive.
He begins to look forward to the environment that puts him in this female’s presence because she does and says things that make him feel needed and appreciated. She needs advice on where to take her car for a tune up; she needs advice on weather sealing. She is gracious for him coming out to listen to that noise her car has been making and making a correct diagnosis on what it is.
Damsels in distress are the biggest ego boosters going for neglected men.
Women too, like all humans, desire to feel they and their efforts are appreciated as well.
The female outside of the home warms up to giving him more compliments and extending herself further by going the extra mile because he smiles so warmly and is so gracious. She’s taken back by his beaming smile when she excitedly compliments his latest accomplishment. It’s a virtual boxing match where the connections are love taps inflicting tinges of excitement and adrenaline bolts for both.
The evolution into infidelity at this point is almost inevitable. Between the pouty mouth, and stony disposition seemingly unappreciated existence at home, the final need, and desire frontier is transcended with the vehicle of verbal adulation acting as the accelerator.
Regardless of how majestic the first physical encounter is, it is void of any real spiritual or emotional gratification by the illicit stamp of its very occurrence.
Spent, despaired, and unfulfilled, he is force fed the fact the act itself was little more than an ostentatious perception of what he desires at home. He has discounted the morals and values of one woman and trampled those of another and neither relationship will prevail unscathed of the clingy mud of betrayal.
Post encounters ensue out of nothing more than the feeling of obligation and he wants badly to rationalize his acts of treason against the real woman of his heart and soul.
Try as he might, there is no consolation for capitulating to his selfish self-endowed violation. Physical gratification only exists with both parties present. Alone, his mind constantly replays the predicament he has created for himself.
Reality from within oneself is a reality one can never escape.
He knows the inevitability of his course will lead him to a painful confession. His dire situation is compounded by the uncertainty of his wife or girlfriend’s reception of his ominous and egocentric indulgence.
The cold hard reality of it is, the finger of condemnation eventually taps most cheaters on the shoulder. The tap echoes what everyone knows, but some choose to ignore. There is no contingency factor for lying cheating and stealing, and when it’s all over, or even if it’s not ever over, Karma knocks one day for sure.
And that Karma has a message.
“You heard the music, now it’s time to pay the piper”.
Karma can be the bitch that got you into this mess.