” Why the hell are you giving the kids ice cream for breakfast? And what’s that shit mixed up in the ice cream?”
Then she noticed the 12-ounce cans of beer beside each kid’s bowl of ice cream.
“Oh you’ve got to be fucking crazy. I know you’re not giving these kids beer. What the hell is gotten into your ass?”
She picked up the beers and went to the sink and poured them out.
“If this is some joke it ain’t funny – you could mess around and get our kids taken from us playing like this”.
“Nobody’s going to take our kids because I gave them a healthy breakfast.”
“What hell is healthy about ice cream and beer for breakfast?”
“Ice cream is made from milk and sugar. The same milk and sugar I’ve seen you lavish over the kid’s cornflakes in the morning. I’m just serving it to them frozen with the cornflakes as a garnish.”
She was livid but couldn’t argue with the logic of the response.
“And I guess beer is good for them too?”
“Beer is made from wheat and barley – the same wheat and barley in cornflakes. I’m simply giving them corn flakes in a can. As far the alcohol goes – it’s light beer. The kids get more alcohol from that Listerine they drink every morning after they gobble down that alcohol infused toothpaste.”
Her jaw was clenched so tight I thought she was going to break off her wisdom teeth.
She called me crazy, turned and stormed off.
This was one of the rare times in my life I had shut her down verbally.
I sat down to the table and enjoyed me a good dose of corn flakes in a can while the kids finished their milk and corn flakes.