Happy Sunday! Bedside Baptist, St. Mattress Parishioners, Presbyterian Pillow Attendees

Sunday morning sleeping heathens and transgressors this one is for you.

Bedside Baptist  St. Mattress Pillow Presbyterian, The Church of Holy Slumber,  on a Sunday morning?

These are clever ways of saying that you slept in and missed church! Ah, yes. Good old Bedside Baptist, where Pastor Pillow and Deacon Sheets preside with somnolent gravity.

Among some communities of Christians, it’s virtually a mortal sin to miss church for no good reason, and so several playful metaphors have arisen in the past 50 years to downplay the fact that you missed church.

Instead of saying that you slept in, you can jokingly admit that you were actually attending another church—Bedside Baptist, St. Mattress, or a variety of other places.

Who needs to know that the church was nothing more than your bedposts and pillow and comforter! It’s just like telling your friends you were at St. Arbucks on a Sunday morning, when you were really nose-deep in a frothy cappuccino and the morning paper.

Crusty eyes, bologna breath and all.

Ya sleeping asses get clapped back at Bedside Baptist, St. Mattress


Author: Geo Gee

I'm a curious one that finds politics, social issues, and diverse progressive solutions interesting. I believe information and education are the most powerful weapons one can arm himself with. Those two dynamics alone open the doors to opportunities. I also subscribe to each one teach one for a better world for all.

4 thoughts on “Happy Sunday! Bedside Baptist, St. Mattress Parishioners, Presbyterian Pillow Attendees”

  1. Good Lord this is funny!
    Clearly I am at the St. Mattress Church as I type this! Mama used to say that if they played hookie from church, her mother would not let them go outside until after church was ‘out.’
    Fact is, that rarely happened because it was church, for them, rain or shine. I think that’s why she took a less stringent approach with us.
    Again, your posts are always on point! I can truly depend on your blog to lift my spirit and my vibrations!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s enlightening to hear my little place on the web is uplifting and the content engaging. I’ma devout member of Beside Baptist – I own it. I don’t have anything at all against churches (real churches that is) not those money sucking pimp and ho mongering buildings masquerading as houses of worship. But I do believe if I live my life to the best of my ability with the utmost respect for my fellow men and women, don’t rob, kill, or lie – I should be just fine at the pearly gates. I don’t want to be one of those to get to the front of the line and get sent back – Hunty that will be one long ass walk to hell – literally.

      I don’t begrudge anyone their choices when it comes to religion. If they attend Morningside Methodist or The First Baptist House of Jewish Islam headed up by the Reverend Rich Rob Yall religiously that’s their choice. What matters to me is how they treat me and how they carry themselves. Well I’ve rambled enough. I have to go Corner Baptist Revival for an hour (take a nap on the sofa by the corner.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ROTFLMAO!!!
        Our dearest Ron is a Deacon and he just told me how frustrating it is to see people at church who still raise hell all week long.
        His thoughts are summed up thusly, love God, and love your brother as you love yourself ! Peep the red words in the Holy Bible ya’ll!
        What else needs to be said ? Sounds like me, you and Ron have similar philosophies!


  2. Yes we do. I like the “peep the red words in the Bible” advice – that’s real talk and some of the best advice I’ve ever heard on Bible reading and living right.


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